The Past      

     One of the biggest obstacles or energy leaks we have in our lives is our past.  We all have unfinished and unresolved emotions keeping us locked to our “previous life/lives” so that as we come into new situations or new relationships, instead of responding from the new born baby perspective, free and clear of previous choices, the reaction is based on past happenings.  I think it’s like that golf joke about “hit the ball and drag Harry”:  This guy comes home from golfing one day and his wife asks him how his game went.  The husband responds that it was “okay, up until about the third hole when Harry had a heart attack and from there on out it was “hit the ball and drag Harry.”  Why do so many of us continue to make our lives about things that happened back then and avoid the present moment; Now?

     It is my perspective that this occurs for a variety of reasons.  I think that a number one reason is that many of the means to clear the energy of the past requires feeling the painful and frightening feelings associated with it.  For some of us even acknowledging the existence of pain or that there were actually present “issues” and unmet needs of childhood is too overwhelming.  This acknowledgment sometimes has beliefs attached to it; one didn’t love their parents or appreciate their upbringing.  This is not truth, however.  Once the unfinished business is processed from the past, it is easier to love and appreciate one’s childhood.  Indeed , often once the personal work is begun the ability to truthfully love is increased.  Working with the feelings from the past has the opposite effect of what our egos want to tell us.  It’s like the idea of recovering from a skid that one’s car makes.  The initial body reaction is the opposite of what actually stops the skidding motion.

     It is a challenge to live in the present moment if we are stuck in re-creating with energy based on our past, especially the emotional baggage of the past.  People have misconceptions about the “useful-ness” of the past.  People can believe that their past drives their future or must dictate the present moment.   In “Don’t Worry, Make Money”, Dr. Richard Carlson discusses that one of the reasons people are unable to be successful in life or at making money is because of their mental ties to the past.  He relays a story in which he asks you to imagine you are riding on a boat.  He asks that in this imagining you observe the wake and consider two things; first, consider the position of the wake – it being behind the boat (with the operant word here being “behind”).  The second thing he asks you to consider is whether or not the wake can actually drive the boat forward.  Clearly the response to this question is “No”.  Interpreted, I believe this to mean that although there may be a lot of energy in what is behind you, the power to move forward only comes from the here and now moment. 

     I believe that yet another reason that people refuse to let go of their past is the nostalgia piece.  Giving power to nostalgia causes you to put energy into something that doesn’t exist.  What you are “feeding” is not real now and possibly, it didn’t exist back then.  What I mean by this is that it is highly likely that during that “nostalgic” time you were not anymore present to the moment than you are now.  Looking back, we can say that our needs were met, but that’s due to “hindsight being 20/20”.  At the time, there was probably no more presence than is currently being experienced.  Notice also, that in looking back, there doesn’t seem to be the existence of nostalgia around the times when you were present to the moment.  Nostalgia seems to be a tool of the ego to tell you that right now, “ain’t so hot”, but back then, “boy was it great!”  The only trouble is is that back then we were thinking, right now, “ain’t so hot”, but way back when was “great!”

     There are many illusions surrounding the notion of one’s “past” that makes letting go of it interesting, to say the least.  Way at the top of this list is the belief that you and I can control our pasts.  On the surface that appears a rather ridiculous remark, but frequently our actions would say that we are in complete support of this notion.  Every time you or I overanalyze a situation our actions commit to this idea of the ability to control the past.  We say things like “If only I’d have done this or that differently then I’d have produced a different result.”   “If I could have, if I should have, if I would have, only done _________, the outcome would have changed.”  It  may be true that had you made a different choice at the time the event occurred, you may have gotten a different outcome, but in the here and now there is no way to change what no longer exists, the past.  The illusion making your release difficult occurs when you take out the pictures and play with them over and over trying to produce an ulterior set of outcomes.  It is participation in this analysis that creates the illusion of control.   We believe that we can change the past by “rethinking it”.  We re-live this stuff over and over in our heads as if thinking about it will produce a different result.   This “illusion” of being able to control the past is not available to us in the here and now.   

     It is also, difficult to let go of the past because we try to use it to ground us.  Which if you really think about it, it’s impossible because the past does not exist!  Don Miguel Ruiz asserts, “the past is an illusion.”  How can you be grounded in something that doesn’t exist?  If you attempt to ground yourself with the past you are tethering your balloon to an invisible tie down.  This however, doesn’t stop some of us from really trying to hold on to the past though.  I knew one woman in her seventies that all her life she even kept broken articles simply for their tie to the past.

            You may ask “aren’t we supposed to learn from our past?”  My response to that statement is that it all lies in the motivating energy and the “why” of learning from your past.   Much of the time we say we are learning from the past we are actually still using the energy of it to cause ourselves to be victims.  One of the most enlightening realizations I have ever had is that anger, irritation and hatred all keep us tied to the object of these feelings.  I believe these low-end emotions keep us tied to others even stronger than what most of us call love.  So, if you are learning from the past to be your authenticity and to follow your heart, Yea!  This is probably real “learning”.  This is the type of energy worth expanding.  However, if you are spending time re-hashing the past and calling it “learning” than it’s time to move away from this action to allow true education to enter the picture.  With re-hashing, your motivation is once again fear based.  It is control.    When ever you control you are not letting go, no matter how releasing the action appears.

                                                                                         Michelle L. McClellan, Psy.D. © 2008