Ah, Sweet Freedom

    One of my first phase workshops is beginning their forgiveness work.  Questions about forgiveness abound, but almost always someone asks about the importance of forgiveness.  This leads me to restate the question:  What is the value of forgiveness? 

     Since forgiveness is letting go and is a release, the value of forgiveness is multi-dimensional freedom.  It is the action of putting down the heavy load of other people’s energy.  This “other people’s stuff” energy is a much greater burden than we acknowledge.  I liken it to being unaccustomed to carrying a baby.  When you care for someone else’s child and are out of practice or lack experience in this process, you don’t realize how much work it is to carry a baby around all day.  At the end of your child care session when you give the baby back to mom or dad you recognize the weight because your arms are sore!  How can that little thing make your big body so tired? 

     The weight of un-forgiveness works in a similar fashion.  It is much heavier than we think.  It drains our energies leaving less available for creating our heart’s desires.  It does this by requiring constant vigilance.  There is never a moment’s peace because we must always be prepared to push away the feelings attached to this un-forgiveness.  We avoid the discomfort of confronting these thoughts and feelings.  It is a ton of work to keep this “stuff” at arm’s length!

      Our lack of forgiveness can sometimes cause us to have a false sense of connection to another person.  In not forgiving, we carry the energy of another.  The other person may have little to no knowledge that we are carrying his or her energy.   For instance, if I keep complaining about my resentment that _____ chose another women over me, then I keep a connection to this person through my complaints.  This complaining makes the person “stay” in my life.  In my choice to not forgive I remain connected through resentment.  This is an illusory connection, but it is a connection none the less.  

     To not forgive is to be controlled by other people’s energy.  Carrying around un-forgiveness and the energy of another to maintain this un-forgiveness allows one to keep the perspective of the victim.   The position of victim holds no personal power.  This place of weakness causes life to be hap-hazard and random.  It’s like being in a canoe without a paddle – whatever is outside your canoe is directing you.  Forgiveness is the choice to direct your energy.  It allows you to choose rather than be stifled under the oppressive weight of blame and righteousness.  It is the statement that your happiness and peace is more valuable than the self importance of being right. 

      By releasing (forgiving), we have freedom.  The obstacles holding us back from having, doing, or being our heart’s desires are removed and the path is opened.  Forgiveness opens not only the path to our desires, but also opens our heart increasing our capacity for love, joy and service.  It clears a space for a true connection to ourselves and others.

     Forgiveness allows us the freedom to be ourselves, to express our personal truth.  Forgiveness allows for total responsibility.   It is a position of non-manipulation.  The assumption of responsibility for one’s energy allows power to return to the individual.  By being authentic we own our creations and our lives.  Ownership occurs because this responsibility leads to feasible control.  Most of us attempt to control the impossible instead of asserting our choice where it could actually have an impact.   We try to control the actions, thoughts and feelings of others and the choices that they make, but in the areas where we can feasibly exert our power (like forgiveness and letting go) we avoid the responsibility.   

        With forgiveness comes an amazing sense of freedom.  When you experience the sense of lightness from letting go, you can’t understand how you could have possibly held on to this baggage, stuff, poison for so long.  You feel a true sense of personal joy and connectedness to the people in your world when you function without this excess energy weighing you down.  You take responsibility for your life and your energy allowing you to create your heart’s desire.

                                                                                   
                                                                                           Michelle L. McClellan, Psy.D. ©