The
Past
One of the biggest obstacles or energy leaks we have in our lives is
our past. We all have unfinished and unresolved emotions keeping us
locked to our “previous life/lives” so that as we come into new
situations or new relationships, instead of responding from the new
born baby perspective, free and clear of previous choices, the
reaction is based on past happenings. I think it’s like that golf
joke about “hit the ball and drag Harry”: This guy comes home from
golfing one day and his wife asks him how his game went. The
husband responds that it was “okay, up until about the third hole
when Harry had a heart attack and from there on out it was “hit the
ball and drag Harry.” Why do so many of us continue to make our
lives about things that happened back then and avoid the present
moment; Now?
It is my perspective that this occurs
for a variety of reasons. I think that a number one reason is that
many of the means to clear the energy of the past requires feeling
the painful and frightening feelings associated with it. For some
of us even acknowledging the existence of pain or that there were
actually present “issues” and unmet needs of childhood is too
overwhelming. This acknowledgment sometimes has beliefs attached to
it; one didn’t love their parents or appreciate their upbringing.
This is not truth, however. Once the unfinished business is
processed from the past, it is easier to love and appreciate one’s
childhood. Indeed , often once the personal work is begun the
ability to truthfully love is increased. Working with the feelings
from the past has the opposite effect of what our egos want to tell
us. It’s like the idea of recovering from a skid that one’s car
makes. The initial body reaction is the opposite of what actually
stops the skidding motion.
It is a challenge to live in the
present moment if we are stuck in re-creating with energy based on
our past, especially the emotional baggage of the past. People have
misconceptions about the “useful-ness” of the past. People can
believe that their past drives their future or must dictate the
present moment. In “Don’t Worry, Make Money”, Dr. Richard
Carlson discusses that one of the reasons people are unable to be
successful in life or at making money is because of their mental
ties to the past. He relays a story in which he asks you to imagine
you are riding on a boat. He asks that in this imagining you
observe the wake and consider two things; first, consider the
position of the wake – it being behind the boat (with the operant
word here being “behind”). The second thing he asks you to consider
is whether or not the wake can actually drive the boat forward.
Clearly the response to this question is “No”. Interpreted, I
believe this to mean that although there may be a lot of energy in
what is behind you, the power to move forward only comes from the
here and now moment.
I believe that yet another reason that people refuse to let go
of their past is the nostalgia piece. Giving power to nostalgia
causes you to put energy into something that doesn’t exist. What
you are “feeding” is not real now and possibly, it didn’t
exist back then. What I mean by this is that it is highly likely
that during that “nostalgic” time you were not anymore present to
the moment than you are now. Looking back, we can say that our
needs were met, but that’s due to “hindsight being 20/20”. At the
time, there was probably no more presence than is currently being
experienced. Notice also, that in looking back, there doesn’t seem
to be the existence of nostalgia around the times when you were
present to the moment. Nostalgia seems to be a tool of the ego to
tell you that right now, “ain’t so hot”, but back then, “boy was it
great!” The only trouble is is that back then we were thinking,
right now, “ain’t so hot”, but way back when was “great!”
There are many illusions surrounding
the notion of one’s “past” that makes letting go of it interesting,
to say the least. Way at the top of this list is the belief that
you and I can control our pasts. On the surface that appears a
rather ridiculous remark, but frequently our actions would say that
we are in complete support of this notion. Every time you or I
overanalyze a situation our actions commit to this idea of the
ability to control the past. We say things like “If only I’d have
done this or that differently then I’d have produced a different
result.” “If I could have, if I should have, if I would have, only
done _________, the outcome would have changed.” It may be true
that had you made a different choice at the time the event occurred,
you may have gotten a different outcome, but in the here and now
there is no way to change what no longer exists, the past. The
illusion making your release difficult occurs when you take out the
pictures and play with them over and over trying to produce an
ulterior set of outcomes. It is participation in this analysis that
creates the illusion of control. We believe that we can change the
past by “rethinking it”. We re-live this stuff over and over in our
heads as if thinking about it will produce a different result.
This “illusion” of being able to control the past is not available
to us in the here and now.
It is also, difficult to let go of the past because we try to
use it to ground us. Which if you really think about it, it’s
impossible because the past does not exist! Don Miguel Ruiz
asserts, “the past is an illusion.” How can you be grounded in
something that doesn’t exist? If you attempt to ground yourself
with the past you are tethering your balloon to an invisible tie
down. This however, doesn’t stop some of us from really trying to
hold on to the past though. I knew one woman in her seventies that
all her life she even kept broken articles simply for their tie to
the past.
You may ask “aren’t we supposed to learn from our
past?” My response to that statement is that it all lies in the
motivating energy and the “why” of learning from your past. Much
of the time we say we are learning from the past we are actually
still using the energy of it to cause ourselves to be victims. One
of the most enlightening realizations I have ever had is that anger,
irritation and hatred all keep us tied to the object of these
feelings. I believe these low-end emotions keep us tied to others
even stronger than what most of us call love. So, if you are
learning from the past to be your authenticity and to follow your
heart, Yea! This is probably real “learning”. This is the type of
energy worth expanding. However, if you are spending time
re-hashing the past and calling it “learning” than it’s time to move
away from this action to allow true education to enter the picture.
With re-hashing, your motivation is once again fear based. It is
control. When ever you control you are not letting go, no matter
how releasing the action appears.
Michelle L. McClellan, Psy.D. © 2008
